Okay, I admit. I am a planner. Not just, "I think I'll do that next week, that in two weeks, etc..." Throughout my entire "adultish-type" life, I have planned most of the big events, and many of the small ones. One of the most "out-of-control" areas, though, is childbirth. You can only plan so much. The rest is in the "hands" of the Baby and the doctors.
When I was expecting our first, NaomiRae, all of the childbirth classes were full until well after her due date. So, being the avid reader and "need to know everything" person, I went to the Library and checked out 10+ books on childbirth. I got through half of one, and made the executive decision to have an epidural and keep the rest as a mystery. My imagination is vivid. Very vivid! So, after seeing just a few pictures, and reading one too many descriptions, I decided I would take the "ignorance is bliss" role in childbirth. The nightmares were not worth the knowledge. Her labor was crazy. I had intense back labor that began without warning. I had just been checked by the nurses, told I was not anything, sent to take a shower (She was induced), and told it could be almost 24 hours before anything happened. Well, in one hour I went from 0-10, and was not intentionally pushing because of the back labor, which does NOT show up on their dumb screens, by-the-way. The epidural man was called, and my pain was SO bad, I NEVER felt that pen-size needle enter my spinal column and give me pain relief that made me want to marry that man. (If I wasn't already married to my very best friend...) :D That was my labor. SO easy I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital and go to Target. Twenty minutes of pain-free pushing and there she was.
Next, came big-headed Timmy. His epidural experience was not good. It hurt like anything, and went into my blood vessel. The chances of that happening are 1 in 10,000 per person. This means that the chances of it happening to a person are .00001, a chance so small, they don't even give you the possibility of it happening. Well, it did-to me. Ever since, I have had ear problems because of the pressure created when the anesthesia was released into my blood vessel. Weird, but not bad enough to keep me from getting another one with Titus-John. So, I got TWO epidurals with Timothy. The second went better, but I was still suffering with the results of the first one.
Finally, came Titus-John. His epidural hurt, but not as bad as Timothy's. But, the second the medicine was released into my body, I lost my voice. I had to go on oxygen immediately, and it was determined that the anesthesia caused temporary paralysis of my vocal cords. I was also pretty dizzy and short of breath. Everything evened out by the time my littlest baby was born, but the doctor's did not like what I had gone through.
So, we come to the point of this entire post. I am now officially allergic to the epidural. Which means I will be going at this birth with nothing in my system. Being a diabetic has made me incredibly anti- any drug that make me feel like I have lost control of my body. So, anything mind-altering, I actually fight against, and can go into a panic. Not on purpose, but if your entire life depended on knowing what your body is doing, you would understand. I am going into this birth as a "new mom" of four. For thousands of years, women have been giving birth without the benefits of the "Epidural man." I will be joining their ranks this time. And, it is pretty scary to someone who has been through three other births. I know what can happen, and have felt pretty intense pain AFTER, but never during. I used to be of that mindset that, "I am woman, hear me roar." Apparently, I have matured slightly, and know that I may be a woman, but if I'm roaring, it's because I'm mad or in pain, or throwing up, not that I'm Super Woman. It is an unfortunate truth we all must face. So sorry to those of you who haven't learned this yet!
I know I'll be fine, eventually, once Baby is here. But for now, I have to make sure I stable myself with the thought that I do NOT want to ruin my testimony because I yelled or worse. Yes, these nurses and doctors have seen and heard just about everything, but I want to be full of God's grace as I get ready to bring my precious fourth Baby into this world, knowing I canNOT wait to hold him/her and love being a blessed Mommy of Four!
