It was not a normal Monday in our home. Our therapist for the night was ill, and for the first time since Christmas, it was just us, the five kidlets and me. Our +2 were with their mom, so it was supposed to be quieter. I made a special (not healthy, but fun!) dinner, and they were all sitting around the table. Joy Baby, though, was not feeling the "love." She had been in a mood for most of the day. She was on a nap and hunger strike-not the greatest of combinations.
She screamed in her high chair as I served dinner to the older four. It was a bit tense, as new foods can be met with a lack of enthusiasm with the younger boys. But, they were ready to try, and the older two were so excited, it seemed their mood rubbed off on the younger boys. No matter what foods I tried with Joy Baby, she just screamed in her chair. As I set the final sandwich in front of the kiddos, she picked up her favorite (normally!) granola bar, and flung it as hard as her frustrated hands could throw.
My Timmy looked at me and said, "Mommy, I'm sorry." Since he has the opportunity to say this quite a bit, I asked him what he was sorry for...I could not remember any errors in the recent past. He looked at me and explained he was sorry Chara was crying and frustrated, and not eating. His sentence stopped me in my tracks. Although he can be very sensitive, he also has a streak of "unawareness" that usually typifies his behavior. I had not said much of anything to that point, except to try to calm Chara, and to hand the kids their food. I looked at Timmy and Naomi, and decided to pause. I let them know that when they were little, I probably would have disciplined that type of behavior, thinking they were being naughty. But, because of the boys in our house, I had learned that sometimes screaming and crying is so much more than "naughtiness." As I picked up Chara and rubbed her back, her kicking and screaming started to settle. I told the kids that when Titus was little, I had no idea how to help a frustrated, over-stimulated baby, but now I had things to do to help her. I took Joy Baby to the rocker, wrapped her in her blanket, and just rocked and massaged her until she was calm. Timmy then stated that Chara was probably going to "get autism." I told him it was a bit early to even be able to know, and that it was ok. They've seen the worst. He and Naomi have lived through some really, really rough times in our home. His matter-of-fact statement brought me such joy. As he said his baby sister would have autism, there wasn't even a hint of animosity toward her or autism in general. It was acknowledgement that it was tough, and loud, and messy, and not what one might "choose", but it was love. A love for his baby sister, and a love toward us. This is his family, and he loves them just exactly how they are.
Somehow, I get to be the one blessed. What a gift.
