As a recovering professional teacher (ask my poor AWANA Olympic kids who step slightly out of line!), I have been faced with many different types of learners, and learning disabilities. I was quite certain I had the capability to handle any type of struggle that would be thrown my way...until the disability came to our home. The journey that the Lord has taken us on, really beginning two years ago, has taken me to the deepest valleys as well as shown me that the "mountain tops" are a little bit different than I thought.
Around the time our third child turned one, I knew things were not developing in him the way they had for our older two. I was aware, but not yet concerned, after all, all children develop differently. But, as time went on, I knew my son was becoming less and less of the little man I knew was in there. I watched his development stop/change/deteriorate before my eyes, and I did NOT know how to help him. My precious son was hurting, and I stood by helpless and clueless. Even as I type this, I cannot help but shed a few tears. When your child hurts, your heart breaks...over and over.
The breaking point came (for me) sometime in September. I was at a store, trying to get needed groceries, and he had a "meltdown." Screaming, crying, and in today's vernacular, "Freaking O.U.T.!" This is NOT a temper tantrum, they are much different, and cannot be soothed by anything. As people stopped to watch the spectacle, (I am NOT kidding!), I held one screaming child in one arm, a car seat in the other, begged the other two to follow, and barely made it out the door, with sweat streaming down my face. Attractive, I know. I made it to the truck, no milk, no groceries, and no strength left. To make matters worse, I had my own breakdown. I got the kids in the car, blinded by tears, and cried the entire way home. I almost had to pull over as I just cried. How did it get this hard? Why could I not help my own son?
My poor husband got a few voice mails from me, none of which he could even understand. I was that heartbroken, and that devastated by the state of my son. I couldn't even buy milk! How could I be a mother?!? Like I said, this was the bottom for me. Through a series of miraculous events, we found out that our son was extremely iron deficient, causing him high levels of "anxiety", as his body was breaking down. (Anxiety is the best way to describe how his little body was feeling.) This iron deficiency caused some serious developmental issues, some of which include sensory and verbal delays. When I say, "miraculous", I mean miraculous, too. If he had been "stuck" in the caustic body much longer, he would have been permanently delayed in his development, with no hope of fixing it. In the wise words of one of our Pastors,
"God is rarely early, but He is NEVER late."
Now, our son is in multiple therapies, and we have changed the way we eat-it must have, "Gluten-Free in it", in the words of our older two! He will most-likely be in a "therapy school" starting in Fall, where he will get multiple therapist teachers four mornings/week. For now, it will be time to learn if any of his delays are actually permanent issues.
This is where my lessons have come in. As a lot of "Type A" personalities, "patience" is not exactly my strong suit. I'm a get-it-done kinda girl. Yesterday would be preferable. But, I do not have that option with my son. I have learned how to hold him, touch him, and love him differently to help calm his frazzled body. I have also learned that when I think I've reached my end, I actually have a lot more patience to draw from. So, when my older two "get on my nerves", I've had to realize my nerves can handle so much more, without losing control. As any mother knows who desperately wants to be godly, I have had to run to the Lord over and over again. Not just during my Quiet Time, but multiple times during the day, sometimes multiple times an hour.
Climbing out of this valley has been a long process, but one I'm so grateful to have been walking. As my husband said to me the other day, our son has changed me more than I could ever change him. The Lord used this special and precious boy to help me become more of the mother the Lord wants me to be-for ALL of our children. I am SO far away from what He wants for me, but I'm working on it. And that is my learning curve.
