One Good Spanking with Three Wishes

I wish I could count on one hand the people who have told me that "one good spanking" would really help my son.  Well meaning family, friends, and even old ladies at Sam's Club.  I'm not looking for apologies or sympathies, because believe me, if one good one would really heal my son, I would give him the spanking of the century.  I am not a wise woman, and definitely lack patience, but the Lord truly gave me a glimpse of His wisdom with Titus.  I knew from a very early age that my boy's disruptive behavior was not sin.  I'll never forget the moment I looked into his eyes, and got a glimpse into his little heart.  He was stuck and hurting within himself, and could not help himself.  I'm infinitely grateful I did not see into his heart after an aggressive attempt at discipline. 

My second wish is to stop feeling the need to apologize or defend his behavior.  ...Because in all reality, his behavior is a reflection of my parenting, right?  For example, Timmy had football practice today.  Titus was watching, but he hates clothes.  Hates.  Wearing shoes, shirts, and pants is pure punishment for him.  So, during practice, he first had to take his shoes off.  It was hot today, naturally the shorts came next.  Richard kept trying to get him to keep his clothes on, but Titus was hot and melting down.  So, I looked at Richard, making sure he knew I wasn't trying to usurp his authority, and helped Titus get his too-hot pants off.  (To his credit, last week was FREEZING, so I kinda overdressed all the kids...)  I saw the looks.  This adorable blondie that looks much older than three-years-old in his Buzz Lightyear shirt and a diaper.  Hey!  He kept his shirt on!  I know my husband was uncomfortable.  He hasn't had the pleasure of all the "much better parents shaking their heads at this loathsome excuse for a mother" looks.  For as many as I've had, you'd think I was immune, but alas, they still hurt.  Today, though, Titus happily romped around in his t-shirt and diaper with his sister.  His yelps of joy as they both patiently played together were delightful to my ears.  My joy in seeing them enjoy each others' company shielded me from any embarrassment, and helped me hear the whisper from the Lord reminding me I have an audience of One. 

My final wish would be to have four completely healthy children.  Thankfully, God had much bigger plans for me.  He knew He had given me the perfect design to help this incredibly special child.  He knew His work would be better fulfilled in me as a mother and woman with Titus in our home.  He knew I would grow more with him than without him.  I do wish Titus didn't have autism and have to deal with the internal pain this disorder causes him.  I wish I could say the right prayer or see the right doctor or do just the right action to cure him.  But, for now, I cannot.  I will pray every single day for Titus to be made whole.  I will never give up attempting to get the help he needs to become the man God has called him to be.  I will rejoice always, and get to relish in every step forward he takes.  I will choose to see his potential, understanding he has areas of growth.  Above all, I will beg the Lord for wisdom to see when his sin nature needs to be corrected, and when he just needs another big hug.