Quiet

It has been said that to create, keep, and grow your reading audience, one should never let too much time pass between posts.  People will lose interest, their affections will wane, and the rise to being more well known will stop.  Although I completely understand the truth in that exhortation to write, I cannot write that way.  There are SO many words out there.  With the boom of blogs, facebook, twitter, snapchat, and other media sources, there is a plethora of words.  Those words are rarely used to edify others, though.  They back-bite, they judge, they scorn, they ridicule, they tear down.  The words that used to be eloquent have become ugly, and we are all the worse for it. 

Obviously, as a "blogger" I am not opposed to social media outlets.  But, as the Lord has been teaching me in an intense manner, sometimes the best way to grow is to be quiet. 

Psalm 46:10 says to, "Be still (quiet), and know that I am God." emphasis mine.  

The past few months have been painful.  They have devastated my hopes and dreams and left me with scars.  The loss of our +2 was intense, but we moved quickly into the next phase of what we thought God had for us.  We actively pursued foster care.  I had personal phone calls with the intake coordinator at the agency we were going to work with.  Then, during our only date in months, we had my dear sister watch our kids so Richard and I could go to a three hour orientation meeting.  After, we spent (literally!) four hours filling out the mountains of paperwork. We also had the "opportunity" to humble ourselves in asking several people to be character witnesses for us (a part of the approval process).  As soon as that packet was finished, Joy Baby and I walked to the post office to get it directly into the mail.  Two days later, we received the phone call that there had been a misunderstanding between the agency and us.  Due to the size of our home, and the age of our oldest,  we would not be approved to foster.  It was another loss, and a painful one at that.  We were stopped from helping little kids?!?  The "why's" to that were unanswered.  We then realized the only way we would ever be approved to do foster care would be to get a bigger home.  With our condo constantly losing value, that would include me going back to work to help with finances.  Low and behold, a few days later, the school sent home a letter begging for substitute teachers.  Richard's start time for work had been pushed to a late start during the day, so I was available! I spent (more) hours getting the application, paperwork, and interviews taken care of.  I was hired, and ready to go.  Two weeks later, Richard's start time changed, and I could no longer work. 

As a type A++ personality, seeing what needs to be done, and not being able/allowed to get the job done is maddening.  The pain of loss was real, the confusion was growing, and my hope was "tired."  My hope was never lost, but the pain of hope after hope being taken away can really wear a girl down!  That brings me back to where I started.  Quiet. Be still.  Those are most definitely NOT my strong suits!  Apparently, though, those are "strong suits" the Lord wants me to work on, because He will not let me get away from them.  Being frazzled and hyper does nothing but take away from the place where God has planted me.  If I am going to truly grow, so that, Lord willing, I will ever be able to help anyone, I have to sit down, shut up, and listen to the One Who knows and loves me best.  In all reality, the story is not about me...it MUST be about Him and His glory.  Out of the beauty of His living and active Word (Hebrews 4:12...my favorite!), grows the depth of character that can have its hopes dashed, and continue steadfastly on the path set out.  And, perhaps, out of those lessons can come something new and unforeseen that is more useful than ever hoped for. 



Out of the Quiet place, a book has begun.  Lord willing, Autism: Our Journey to Grace will be published June, 2017.