...May Flowers. That is how the saying goes. But, nobody says there could be thorns on those flowers, or that they might need some tending. As far as gardening goes, everyone in my family...on both sides, are these amazing green thumbs. Then, there is me. I am the absolute antithesis of a green thumb...my thumb is the grim reaper. I killed a flower that only needed one ice cube per week. I also killed the hardy kale plant. It is almost like a plant looks at me and just gives up the will to live.
I began this post with that old adage, because I think that is how I expected May to be. Happy. Full of flowers, beauty, and ease. April was tough. It was an intense whirlwind of change and trial. Although there were a few rainbows among the "showers," there were a lot of days that I felt cold, drained, and in need of shelter. May was supposed to be sunny and cheerful. Instead, it began with more showers that evolved into a ruthless storm. My fleshly response was a bit of shock. I felt like I had really "gone through the wringer" last month, and was quite ready for a respite from chaos.
We began the month with the final step (for now) of Joy Baby's paperwork and home visit for Medicaid. The process was revised in January of this year, so everything was new for me. Although I have done the application two previous times, it was brand new, which really unnerved me. To add to my nerves, I was told to prepare for a denial, which would lead to an appeal or a re-application. Fun times to be sure. In comparison to what came next, this now seems like a little "sprinkle on a sunny day."
A long time ago, I dedicated myself to full-time service to the Lord. When I stood up in church making that pledge, I meant that I wanted to be a missionary overseas spreading the Gospel to Indian tribes in the jungle. What God meant was I was going to serve on American soil, to five plus two kiddos-all needing some type of special care, while I live with a disease that prevents me from ever living in a healthy way outside of a first-world country. I never expected attack from those I was serving. I've heard pastor's say that the sheep bite, but man! they are downright mean sometimes! When cooking (or some fashion of making food-ish type things...I'm not a gourmet cook, either...), cleaning, bathing, loving, and laundering for yields screaming phone calls and vile texts. When a misunderstanding leads to attacks on character. When anger leads to using the very ones you say you love as pawns. I was not prepared. I was not prepared for how the series of events fleshed out sin in my life. Ironically enough, the revelation of my own sin lead me to anger...a not-so-godly response...
Then came the evidences of grace. A husband who patiently loved me. Sometimes his love has been painful-not in an abusive way, but in a way that was used to lead me back to the Lord. He consoled when I needed it, and pointed out areas I had let sin win, always cloaked in the tenderness of his faithful love. I've spoken of how much I love our church. I am not one to reach out for help often...but this time, I was desperate enough to set pride aside. When I called to talk to our pastor, he set aside whatever he was working on to listen to the situation. He encouraged, exhorted, and then prayed for our family-over the phone. Our pastor approached the Throne of Grace on our behalf-asking for grace, discernment, and wisdom. Seriously, if you need a church...
I think the truth is, April showers bring work. Sure, there are May flowers, but there is also a lot of grass that needs to be mowed. There are weeds among the flowers that must be taken out, or the flowers will die. There are rodents-even some cute ones-that will eat the buds of those flowers when they are not carefully guarded. Those flowers also start attracting insects. Bees that will sting, ants that get into the house, flies, and more of the creepy-crawly ones that make my skin crawl. Upon deeper evaluation, there is an abundance of things that just want to destroy the flowers. Springtime is not a time for complacency. I suppose a farmer or a green thumb knows that well. Yes, there is a time to sit and enjoy the beauty around us, but that beauty can only be enjoyed after actively maintaining and guarding the plants. And then, you have to get back to work...otherwise, April showers just bring May chaos.
Praying with you and for you ♡.
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