For the first time in over eleven years, I joined choir. "Woefully inadequate" is an honest description of my abilities, especially in the light of the difficult arrangements we were tasked to sing. I think I let the years of my children telling me how beautiful my voice is go to my head, but as they say, pride came before a lovely fall. Moving on, the final song we sang was "A Mighty Fortress is Our God", written by Martin Luther. As a graduate of a Lutheran university, this song had definitely lost a lot of it's "flair" for me. Plainly, I did not like the song, and added to the fact that the arrangement was meant for someone ready for the Opera, I just wanted to get through it with as little embarrassment as possible.
In addition, this weekend had extra stressors for me. I was the Matron of Honor for a wedding I had "mixed emotions" over. I asked for prayer, and a lot of it. I tend to be the "blunt force trauma" type of person. I loathe lying with such a fervent passion, I will be brutally honest to even avoid the appearance of a lie. That being said, when someone said they hoped I would be a light to those around me, I answered with, "I just don't want to be in sin." I was not looking to be a testimony, I simply did not want to be a loud-mouth sinner if given the opportunity. Although the day did not go off without a hitch, I can say that I threw myself into the role I was asked to fulfill, and kept quiet when needed.
After all of the singing and wedding-ing, Sunday afternoon allowed a much needed work out. During that brief forty-five minutes, I had a scathing letter written (in my head), with (strong) Biblical support for each of my points of contention. (FYI-the letter was for a person NOT related, or a member of my family, legal or otherwise!!) I had righteous indignation, as well as my defender personality in full swing. So, really, I was furious. And, even though my points are 100% right, it is neither my place nor wise to write the letter comprised in my head. Out loud I said to God that I did not even want His help to take care of my feelings. I was right, and I wanted to hold on to the wrath that was beginning to consume me. And, just like that, He took it. Completely. Even thinking about it as I write this, the emotion is gone. The truth is still there, but I am completely settled in the fact that God will take care of it IF and/or when He chooses.
I opened my Bible tonight to pray through Psalm 46. (It's the next chapter in my schedule.) Psalm 46:1-God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. As I sat at my table, God's Word took my breath away. The Truth of Scripture, and the promises God has made in His Word were just as evident over the past few days, as they were when they were written down. No, I am not an Israelite living in the desert, in fear for my life, but I am His child, and He is Who He says He is. Discovering this Truth on a more intimate level, even as my sin seems more ugly and more encompassing, is life changing. I am quite certain I will never again hear that song with a negative point-of-view. As Martin Luther dedicated his life to proclaim 500 years ago, my God is my mighty fortress-He is my helper in times of need.
A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing. Our helper He amid the flood, of mortal ills prevailing.
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