Betrayal. Lies. Deceit. Not a good start, right? Perhaps the start to a teenage drama that makes you gag, but that's about it. Unfortunately, it was what dropped right into my life. A lot of sin, covered with semantics to justify the behaviors. The particulars of this issue really don't matter. Besides, "juicy gossip" isn't really my thing. What does matter is what God did, and what He is doing.
My first reaction to bad news is usually a flare of temper. I am most definitely not boasting about that, nor am I excusing it. It is just the truth. This time, however, I was sad. My first reaction was not explosive, loud, or angry, it was simply overwhelming sadness that sin had ruled. After the news had time to sink in, I went to the bathroom and cried. I yelled at God for a minute (yep...proud moment right there...), but then, asked Him to help me not want to be angry. That is definitely a new thing I'm trying out...so far, He is quite gracious to help and answer in my time of request...which is pretty much His character.
As a few restless nights ensued, combined with a thought life that just would not shut down for a moment, I wanted to give in to the emotions. It is SO much easier to just let them win...at least in the moment. My hubster was overwhelming in his compassion. We're talking above and beyond, crying with me, and just giving me a lot of hugs-not even trying to "fix" it! So, when we were in the car together, and I looked at him and asked him a question, he knew I was not asking in anger. He understood my heart, and answered directly to it.
My question: How is this good? How is this for my good and God's glory, when it is all sin? He looked at me (carefully...he was driving!), and said some things that I hope I will never forget. He told me it was for my good to take my hurt to Jesus, and remember He loves me and cares for me. He reminded me God is glorified when I let Him handle my hurts, when I let Him hold my heart and change my emotions to His. Remembering how much He loves me is for my good...and His glory. How my great High Priest is interceding directly on my behalf to keep me from letting my own sinful temptations rule in my life.
I will never call the hurt this situation entailed, "good." But, some great has emerged. There is a little part of me that understands a little more about my good, good Father. There is also a memory of my husband's love for me. A moment that I probably won't forget...especially since I have this crazy memory that locks things in for a good, long time. After fourteen years together, I fell a little bit more in love with the man who has loved, guided, and walked alongside me through some pretty thin, without ever wavering. So, yes, this turned out to be for my good, and His glory.
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